Moving forward while standing still. How is that possible? Today, August 28, 2021. It has been 9 years since we lost Cassidy. I am struggling to think that time frame out loud. 9 years. How is it possible? It feels like yesterday since that day. That day. So many events have happened in our lives since that day. We have laughed and cried. We have slept and woke up. Just never thought I would still be on this road…. standing still. But moving forward.
The day I laughed for the first time after. The guilt that ran thru me. I let go of the woulda, shoulda, coulda ….It took me so many long days that turned into years to let myself be happy. But smiling became easier. Cassidy runs thru my heart and I let the joy be felt, like an ice-cream cone on a hot summer day. I do allow the “sad” to happen when I need it. Yes, I still need it and have come to accept that it’s okay. Though not sure anyone would understand that anymore.
I am more peaceful now in my life. Happiness has found me again. I am doing me. I have learned to move forward the best I could without the guilt or shame. Being a recluse was what I needed, having pajama days – for days. Walking around in the backyard barefoot getting grounded. I do me now. No worries how others perceive me or wonder.
Cass goes with me daily. Always. I see her in so many things. She shows me she is here, still with me. Her winds blowing Dandelion Wishes.
“Rainbows would never be rainbows if sunshine had never met rain. No one would ever need comfort if there was no sadness or pan. But life holds both showers and sunshine. The days aren’t all bright and fair, so look through the showers for rainbows. You’ll always find hope singing there!” Cassidy
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